Not such a story, really. And I HATE it when people actually CALL me that. It's not a nickname and it doesn't mean anything at all. When I signed onto AOL, they gave me THIS bullshit: "Please choose a screen name. May we suggest 'MFornatale@aol.com'?" Well, no, you may NOT, pigf***ers.

I wanted "RondoHatton@aol.com". Rondo Hatton was the pseudonym I used as on-air engineer at WFUV 100 years ago, so as to keep that part of my work separate from the on-air stuff, where I used my actual it's-my-name name. If you're an old-horror-films buff, you'll remember Rondo Hatton as a guy with elephantiasis (or something similar) who was used in several early horror films because, well, he didn't need much in the way of makeup. Sad.

But they wouldn't give me that one. So I tried a bunch of other ones, and it kept denying those as well. I don't even remember what they all WERE now. Each time, it would come back with that same annoying "Please choose a screen name. May we suggest 'MFornatale@aol.com'?"

So now I was REALLY angry, and I typed in some gibberish that I made up on the spot....and it denied THAT! I did it again, even angrier, and it denied THAT! So, in utter disgust, I just typed "sknoof".....the third attempt at a nonsense syllable.... (the other two were similar, but I don't remember what they were.) I had never heard or seen the word before, and it didn't exist before that moment (I have since searched on-line extensively for it, to see if maybe it was a buried memory of some sort.....but, nope.) ...and this NEW screen comes back which says "Congratulations, SKNOOF!" Ah, shit. Well, why not. So, that was that.

Well, that little piece of naivete has caused me some minor griefage in the ensuing eons. Never in a million years did I imagine that people would actually CALL me that. It's NOT a nickname, it's not a term-of-endearment.

Sheesh, I feel like Danny Kortchmar. You may remember a print ad for his solo LP in the early 70s (but I'm betting you don't, which is why I bring it up) called "Kootch"......wherein he is quoted, in grumbly fashion, as saying "I don't like it when people call me 'Danny Kootch.' 'Kootch,' okay, or 'Danny Kortchmar'....but 'Danny Kootch,' well, that's just not me."

Okay, bad example. He was acting like a dope and, well, I'm not. That's just not ME. Ha. But neither is "sknoof".....it's just a stupid little word that flew out of my fingers onto the keyboard at a critical moment. It could just as easily have been "pie."

For what it's worth.....I have since run into a young guy named Evan, from Florida, who told me that that was exactly the same way he got HIS handle, "SHBEVLON."