Wednesday, the last night we had the car in Phoenix, we determined (after considerable shopping, and also after getting two big Radio Shack baseball jackets thrust upon us) that we did not have enough luggage to transport it all home, and another bag of some sort would be needed. Just then, lordy, we passed a K-Mart.

Now, going into a K-Mart is normally against my religion--we can't handle anything that starts with a "K" and I hope you appreciate the exception I've made for YOU--but we were there, and according to Wendy it would be the best place to find something with a handle on it that you can put stuff in. So we went in, and browsed in the luggage section.

Now, you've guessed that I am not like most male humans, but I do share one trait with the rest of 'em--and that is that I have tremendous difficulties shopping with women. So when she, as a joke, picked up this thing that looked like a couch in a funeral home, I said, "Yes! That one!!" and I wouldn't let her shop any further.

So we get the thing back to the room, and we discover that it must have been bought and returned, 'cause the lock is missing even though the keys are still attached. So in scouring every nook and cranny for the lock I do not find the lock but I find....something else. What?

• A dime?
• Pre-chewed chewing gum covered with ants?
• Feminine hygiene products?

No....