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......Friday morning, got sick. REAL sick. Was near-delirious all day Friday. Drove home Friday night with actual palpable Double-Vision. Yeow! Felt a little better Saturday. Saturday night, played. Sunday morning, saw you guys. Also, got stuff for Wendy. There was some emergency shopping indicated because some SCUMBAG mail order company called David Kay screwed me up. She had wanted a pair of gargoyle-things that they (among other catalogs) offered. I ordered 'em back at the beginning of November and it took the J**KOFFS till last week to tell me that they weren't getting any more. Too late to order them elsewhere. So although we had agreed that we would not spend any dosh at the Crap Fair this year, I scored a little clockwork pin from some guy downstairs, I forget his name, and also one of those amazing little hand-carved sea-lions made out of Cow Horn. That booth, of course, was two spots away from yours and I hoped to zip in there quickly and buy it before Wendy saw me. Unfortunately, the one I wanted seemed to be missing an eye. The guy had a little Bag Of Eyes with him (well, who doesn't?) and he tried to fix it, but he didn't have a perfect match. The eye already in there was more yellow and the one he stuck in the other side was more orange. It was okay by me but he wouldn't let me have it! "God, no! My NAME'S on this!" I assured him that I would tell anyone who asked that he had labored intently, keeping several customers waiting, to try and match two stinking eyes for me, but he wouldn't have it. So he gave me a similar but larger piece that cost considerably more, for the same price. So, cool! I had actually been looking at that one in the first place. Got home, went to the store to do the cash report, my two little weasels were completely out of control, so I stayed for an hour. Came back, picked up bride, drove down to my sister's place in Middletown NJ, ate way too much, listened for what seemed like fifteen hours to my cousin's daughter talk about how FASCINATING her life as a dance instructor and actress wannabe is. Nice girl, but fourteen hours is my limit. Got home late. Peripheral thought: routinely eating too much at parties is way better than drinking too much at parties, why? Because the guy in the other car doesn't get killed too. Immediately upon hopping in the car to leave Jackie's, I turned on K-ROCK to see if Vin "Christ, I'm Annoying Tonight" Scelsa had any interesting guests on. He was playing a positively GREAT new Xmas song by whom? Graham Parker and Nona Hendryx! It was real good. Monday: mid-day, as soon as my Relief-Boy came in (at 3) I zipped off down Route 17. First to Tower to try to find the Graham Parker thing. They didn't have it. Then to Compact Disc World. They didn't have it either, the guy said--they had sold out that morning and wouldn't re-stock till, of course, next Christmas. Damn! Just then another clerk who had overheard the whole thing said "we just got this used one in this morning," and sailed it into my hand. Yeah! F*** Tower. Now came the difficult part: Wendy had asked, for Xmas, for only one thing, and I quote: "A sporty watch with a leather band." I immediately went into a coma upon hearing this request--asking me to go pick out a ladies' watch is tantamount to asking me to perform microsurgery on someone I care about. But she showed me a few pictures and I figured I could do it in spite of myself. So I go to A&S in Paramus Park, get a pretty decent parking space actually, and stride purposefully into the store. I find the jewelry counter---COUNTER??? The jewelry ZIP CODE IS MORE F***ING LIKE IT--WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW???? THERE ARE SIXTEEN SCRILLION KA-SCHMILLION BODIDDLY-DILLION M*T**RF***ING WATCHES HERE!!!! I look around helplessly for a while and finally enlist the aid of a pleasant-looking saleslady, explain my dilemma and finish up with "Please just don't hurt me." She helps me narrow it down to half-a-dozen and I pick one. It's called "Fossil" and that's what caught my eye of course. I was just struck by the amazing business of having TWO really helpful salespeople IN A ROW. The week before Xmas. I imagine I'll give Wendy the watch on Friday, her birthday. Is 12/23 a real Suckmeister of a birthday or what?? That's worse than Xmas itself--it's outside the two-day Holiday Window when people come to see you or you go to see them. Additionally I have procured for her a couple of Eucalyptus sprays & wreaths, which she likes; a Dog Book by William Wegman, and a Harry Shearer CD. Also a throw-pillow shaped like a piano. Needs a little something. But it's the thought that counts and God Help Me I went to a JEWELRY COUNTER. I wasn't so sure the people in there would even be HUMAN. The rest of the week has just been a blur....................... |
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