I was a horny teenager, but I was innocent 'cause I was a real-late bloomer and not particularly attractive. In fact, homely. See, nobody told me that girls got horny. It was tragic 'cause I had all these feelings inside me. I was like one of the boys in school who flap their legs frantically under the desk. I always had this weird feeling between my legs and I had no idea what it was. I didn't know girls masturbated. I never touched myself or anything...I did it all in my mind. I was so horny in school it felt like my body was filled with electricity. I felt like I had neon bones or something. All my report cards said, "Patti Lee daydreams too much." I didn't know what it was but I couldn't wait to get home each day. And when I got home I'd just lay down and let my mind spill out, y'know?

Remember when Anne Frank was real big and Life was doing all that stuff on Nazi atrocities? Well, I'd read that stuff and I'd get really cracklin' down there. Anytime I'd read about a dog getting beaten or any weird thing, it would trigger me off, and the only way I could relieve myself was by laying in bed and putting a flashlight on inside my brain. There'd be this flood of light and then these movies would start up in my mind. Nothing specifically dirty or anything, just a lot of abstract action. It was like being horny in a really vague way.

My one regret in life is that I didn't know about masturbating. To me that's really sad. Think of all that fun I could've had!