Sunshine & Lollipops - The Original Decdr

Please Please Please

C-S/A 10+ TEXT ENHANCER USER MANUAL
CSATAN(TETEN)

1. Chapter 1: Introinduction
2. CSATAN(TETEN) Features
3. Getting the Most From CSATAN
4. About this Manual

5. Chapter 2: Installation

6. Chapter 4: Using CSATAN

3. Appendix A: Troubleshooting
5. Appendix B: Removed
8. Appendix C: Conversion Table

Index

INTROINDUCTION

CSATAN(TETEN) is a decider(c), possibly the first ever produced. Text was once plain, ordinary, mundane, virtuous, aesthetic, meaningful, and most of all boring. Reading text was a chore, not unlike slaughtering chickens. Everyone remembers the books they *had* to read at school, stupid conglomerations of words that some witch, or authoritarian father figure, forced down one's throat. Naturally, most people have serious problems with staying awake while reading text. This is what we here at CSA were thinking of when we came up with our breakthrough application: The C-S/A 10+ Text Enhancer.

No more of the routine, hi hello how you doing, no more of the boring, the world will end tomorrow, no more of the simple I've got a tick that just wont quit, no more boring on the first day god got aroused but was having a period.

Enhancement. Confusion. Exciting. Life giving. Extraordinary. Amoral. Sexy even. CSATAN is here. No more sleeping nights. No more confession. No more cancer of the rectum. No more horny priests. We've taken care of all that.

What is it? Exactly? Hey this is the introduction, ok, so just suck wind and keep reading, ok.

Introducing...... CSATAN(TETEN).

You can stop clapping now.

FEATURES

Below is but a small fraction of the features of CSATAN. We would list them all, but space is precious, and our users aren't. We figure you'll bumble your way into the discovery of a few of the other features.

CSATAN is free! We here at CSA rank this as one of the most attractive features of this package. True, we do extract physiological, psychological, and spiritual recompense, but we still aren't talking little pictures of George Washington.
CSATAN will provide you with at least 15 minutes of enjoyment. We suggest you use it after your 15 minutes of fame, which will get you at least a half hour closer to the end of your pitiful and miserable existence here on earth, and new misery in your eternity in hell.
CSATAN produces almost euphoric joy in laboratory cockroaches; we are convinced it will do the same for you.
CSATAN allows a miserable peon like yourself the opportunity to cut lose, make millions of dollars, enjoy your meaningless life, get sex, acquire power, kill your enemies, feed your household pets.
CSATAN makes it easy to impress friends, impress relatives, sing songs, cook, sew, turn on women, turn on men, turn on gods, turn on the tv, turn on your doberman, turn on your children to drugs, turn on and on and on and on.
CSATAN is absolute, unlimited, illegal in some states, and doesn't leave a stain.
CSATAN can scare robbers, thieves, muggers, irs men, hungry cannibals, fungus, armenian goat herders.
CSATAN slices, dices, purees, cuts, whips, flogs, penetrates, jumps over the moon, castrates, drips hot wax on your privates, cures aids, causes cancer, punts dwarfs, eats hot apple pie with your grandmother.
CSATAN is revolutionary bloodware product. You don't use it. It uses you.

GETTING THE MOST FROM CSATAN

CSATAN is the most powerful program you will ever have the privilege to interact with. Because of this power, it is suggested that before you are ready to use CSATAN you first get a bucket of boiling oil. Place your pinky in the center. DON'T SCREAM! Slowly, and very quietly, pray to the dark underworld that you will survive your next CSATAN session. If it suddenly becomes dark outside and you hear wild dogs howl, little children beheaded, and the sounds of mad sexual orgies involving multiple species, your prayers have been answered and you are well on your way to another ULTIMATE CSATAN session. If you would like to get even more power from this universally renowned bloodware, after the sounds have died down, try the following. Place three virgin goats in the center of the room. Begin to chant, CSATAN CPROMPT CSATAN CPROMPT, CSATAN we summon you to the CPROMPT, CSATAN, we summon you to the CPROMPT. After 12 thousand repetitions, after you are revived, you will be entering into the CSATAN ADVANCED POWER CONFIGURATION. Lastly, and most assuredly not leastly, when it has been determined that you are sufficiently attached and prepared for the CSATAN POWER USER MOST SUPER TRULY MINDSUCK SESSION, you will be notified.

If you are not given the sign to proceed in the first instance, something is terribly wrong with you, and odds are 2 to 1 that your soul is in the process of being sucked out your behind -- no, that isn't your hemorrhoids acting up.

ABOUT THIS MANUAL

This manual is considered sacred text by the following cultures.

The Wannabebees culture of west naugahyde
The Marsh Things From Beyond
The Sicklees culture of eastern castralia
The Kittysquats culture of Udonwanano
The Gagglesnits culture of the upper titnus swamps
The Carcinogen culture of dark lung
The household pet culture of your living room
The Strepthroat culture

It is suggested, quite strongly, that upon becoming fully acquainted with CSATAN you destroy all copies of this manual. Count to twelve and flush it down the toilet. Out of the 20 or so BETA testers we torture.... convinced to test our product, we just don't know what happened to the 5 that did not follow these instructions. We suspect the worst, at the computer of one, we were witness to a most amazing spectacle. Suffice to say, that was one sick puppy of a house pet. Just a note, the 15 who did follow these instructions are now spending a productive eternity in hell.

INSTALLATION

If you're reading this, you have already installed CSATAN. Good luck, you haven't a prayer.

If you're not reading this you are requested to dial the CSATAN Tech Support Line. The number is 1-800-OK-SATAN. Phones are manned 666 hours a day, 666 days a week. If the phone lines are busy, you may suspend yourself upside down from a cathedral tower while cursing the people below who are yelling for you to let go. Then let go and see if you can't squash one of those nuns. Tech Support will then get in touch with you. And the installation process will be fully explained.

USING CSATAN

CSATAN uses you, remember. Enter C-SA10 at the prompt of the directory of the subdirectory of the phone directory you have installed your copy of CSATAN in. Make sure the C-SA10.DAT file is in said subdirectory of directory at the nearest rectory, or somewhere nearby. Hit enter. That's the key to the left of the four on the numeric keypad but to the center of the four on the typewriter ribbon. You will be presented with a sign-on screen that you don't sign onto. Read it thoroughly.

You will then be asked to enter a file name. The file should be a straight, !homosexual and bestial files will not work! text file. You then enter the complete path, the directory to the subdirectory from the root directory to the down directory up the directory and the file name. Hit enter. Wait one moment as vital statistics are taken from your spiritual aura and transmitted to the vilest of accountants in all of hell. You will then be shown that the file you fed through on the directory in the subdirectory from the contradictory has been fully decided. It will also show you the name of the file and the subdirectory in the directory of the path that has been created. It is the original file name with an extension of .CSA. For example if you load in the file SUCKPUS.TXT -----the file created will be--- SUCKPUS.CSA.

You may then enter a second or third or fourth or billionth file and/or just hit enter to quit. Upon quitting, the names and IDs of the principle executive of CSA will be shown. It is suggested that you heap praise, good wishes, and general sodomy upon these people: they can make certain you are not cleaning the latrines in hell, and get you a good cushy position having small vegetables pushed through your bodily orifices.

APPENDIX A: TROUBLESHOOTING

If you experience any problems with the software, you are in serious need of massive amounts of alcohol and drugs. It is suggested you dig a deep hole about six feet, take care of all unfinished business, go to a hot climate, buy sunscreen, practice groveling, and contemplate the feeling of being pierced with a pitchfork in 210 degree weather. Problems merely being a simple notification that your agreement has prematurely come to fruition.

APPENDIX B: REMOVED

APPENDIX C: CONVERSION TABLES

One (1) conversion table is used. The information contained within said table, has been determined to promote bizarre sexual practices, communism and prickly heat in laboratory nats. We'll be sending you one in a few days.

INDEX

    2.............Anteater
  
    1.............Artichoke

    7.............Blastfurnace
  
    22............Cat o nine tails

    4.............Dandelion

    6.............Elfs blood

    666...........Ma

    777...........Neslon

    888...........Octopus

    3.............Zebra

CSA Inc. Fine Chaos Merchants since 666
"Tommorrow's Confusion Today"
Copyright 666
All Rights Obfuscated

Any reproduction of this program or any accompanying written material, in whole or in part, is expressely forbidden by the laws and regulations of Hell Eternal.

Limited Use License Demands

YOU SHOULD CAREFULLY READ THE FOLLOWING WORDS AND DEMANDS BEFORE USING SATAN(TETEN) SOFTWARE, HEREAFTER REFERRED TO AS 'THE BLOODWARE'. BY USING THE BLOODWARE YOU ARE AGREEING TO BE BOUND AND GAGGED BY THE WORDS OF THESE DEMANDS AND INITIATING YOURSELF INTO THE WAYS OF AMORALITY. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THEM, YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE COUNTRY WITHIN 15 DAYS BECAUSE WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE; YOUR DEALER, HEREAFTER REFFERED TO AS POOF, CANNOT HELP YOU.

CSA Inc., A Hell corporation, provides the computer bloodware sent with these demands, hereafter referred to as 'the blood oath', and the permission to use it. You assume full responsibility for allowing this abomination to fall into your hands, and any misery this bloodware will cause, a. family, b. friends c. total strangers d. yourself e. you household pets.

a. By using the bloodware you will be required to live up to the demands presented in this agreement.

b. The bloodware is for your use only and only on a single computer.

c. You and your slaves shall not, under any circumstance mention the knowledge that the bloodware exists, nor anything about it, or at all relevant to it, to a. Priests, b. law enforcement agencies c. your mother, c. Hare krishnas b. congressional investigators, c. a grand jury, a. your household pet

d. You will take particular pains to use your bloodware on sunday.

d. You may not copy this program and related files to anything that is not connected to a computer.

e. You will not introduce into, or merge, any other program, or code, with the bloodware.

x. You will worship false idols into and above the bloodware.

f. This bloodware is transferable, but you take full responsibility for any wrath you might incur in the process.

g. In no event will CSA be responsible for any acts of god.

l. You will take the name of God in your veins and spit it out your ear.

v. The definition of the terms of this blood oath are known to CSA and agents of CSA alone. Your ignorance of them does not in any way impact your acceptance of these demands, and the bloodware.

o. Honor Satan, and the principle executives here at CSA.

i. You will have no qualms about murder, screwing around, stealing, lying, or coveting your neighbors a. daughter b. son d. wife c. household pets. And will look down your nose at any blashpemers or critics of the bloodware.

o. You may not sublease or have another soul take your place in the bloodware sweepstakes to hell.

The extent of CSA's responsibilities is as follows.

h. CSA accepts no responsibility whatsoever for anything.

IMPORTANT: FAILURE TO LIVE AND DIE BY THE DEMANDS SET FORTH IN THIS BLOOD OATH PUTS YOU ON THE FAST TRACK TO THE LAST CIRCLE OF HELL. RETRIBUTION WILL BE VIOLENT AND SWIFT; A PIT BULL HATH NO FURY LIKE HELL SCORNED. BLACK BIRDS WILL FOREVER CIRCLE YOUR HEAD OUT OF DOORS. SPIDERS WILL NEST IN YOUR SINUSES. MIDGETS AND HANDICAPPED PEOPLE WILL LAUGH AT YOU. SEX WILL BECOME PAINFUL, SOMETHING AKIN TO URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS. SATAN WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR PITIFUL, MAGGOTLIKE SELF, AND WILL TAKE EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE, BY SUCH ACTS AS A. SPITTING IN YOUR SOUP WHILE YOU'RE NOT LOOKING, B. USING *HIS* AMAZING POWERS TO COMPEL OTHERS TO SPIT IN YOUR SOUP WHILE NOT LOOKING. C. POSSESSING YOUR HOUSEHOLD PETS.

YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE READ THESE DEMANDS, UNDERSTAND THEM, AND AGREE TO SURRENDER YOU SOUL UPON EARTHLY DEATH AT THE NEAREST ENTERANCE TO HELL.

Chemically Imbalanced Back-and-Forth:
Prologue

From: JOSH MAY, 76004,1446
To: Nicole Freeman, 76702,706
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37498, reply to #37383
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Fri, Jun 8, 1990, 5:31:27 PM

THE EARLY REPLACEMENTS ALBUMS SUM UP SCHOOL FOR ME. THEY HAVE AN ATTITUDE EVERY KID COULD APRECIATE.

JOSH

TYPE THE EARLY REPLACEMENTS ALBUMS SUM UP SCHOOL FOR ME PRETTY WELL. THEY HAD AN ATTITUDE THAT EVERY KID COULD APRECIATE AT ONE POINT IN THEIR LIVES.

JOSH

From: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
To: JOSH MAY, 76004,1446
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37522, reply to #37498
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Fri, Jun 8, 1990, 8:28:09 PM

Wow, what'd you do? That's dangerous sending two versions of the same message. Do that too much and we'll be looking right into the center of your mind. Let's see you started with a premise then added qualifications, I guess everyone does that.

From: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
To: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37523, reply to #37522
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Fri, Jun 8, 1990, 8:38:11 PM

You are so unbelievably wacky! [LAUGHING IN EARNEST]

From: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
To: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37533, reply to #37523
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Fri, Jun 8, 1990, 10:03:06 PM

Really tho, I think that could be pretty revealing. You should see my revisions. They go something like this.

Original: F**k the cwhorpratations, flush the government, smash hollywood, eat good food, vomit on a glossy ad, today.

Revised: Yeah, NKOTB is pretty lame.

OR Original: Their music is very spurious, formula propelled, and lacking any genuine ameliorative purport.

Revised: Yeah, NKOTB sucks.

OR Original: [laughing].

Revised: You really think NKOTB is good?

From: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
To: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37536, reply to #37533
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Fri, Jun 8, 1990, 11:54:11 PM

No no no, I agree one hundred percent! The idea is scary as shit (BTW, are we expected to censor ourselves, or is there like a censoring machine?)...

Speaking of which, my reply was Mayor Cooper, Mayor Maxima Cooper. And don't tell me Arietano isn't a Catholic name...

From: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
To: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37549, reply to #37536
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sat, Jun 9, 1990, 2:44:22 AM

I don't think there's a censoring machine, if there was, I think your message would have been out a word. Thanks. Scary? Your still sailing clear over my head with the Mayor. Born catholic and all.

From: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
To: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37555, reply to #37549
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sat, Jun 9, 1990, 7:56:15 AM

Gotta talk like a New Yorker (you're gonna groan and condemn me to an eternity of room 18 with Charles Petzold when you figure this one out).

From: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
To: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37598, reply to #37555
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 1990, 12:18:04 AM

I don't think you have to worry about eternity by me, I haven't a clue. Especially at the moment.

From: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
To: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37617, reply to #37598
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 1990, 7:35:26 AM

Mebbe I've got this all wrong (I'm closer to Baptist than Catholic).

Try substituting "a lawyer" for "Catholic" everywhere (yeah, everywhere, why not? "A Lawyer Boy" by Jim Carroll. "I believe in the holy a lawyer church, the communion of saints...," "She's real a lawyer see. She fingers her cross and she says, 'There is one reason, there is one reason, you do it my way or I push your face in.'")

From: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
To: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37629, reply to #37617
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 1990, 1:53:05 PM

I'll try that, definately. Now, exactly what drugs are you doing, and where can I get some [laughing]. We can also try and substitute 'history' for 'religion' everywhere, why not? 'History by PIL' "...This is history, a liar on the alter, a sermon never falter, this is history, do you pray to the holy ghost when you suck on your host, do you read who's dead in the irish post, do you give away the cash that can't afford, on bended knee and pray to the lord, fat pig priest, sanctamonious smiles, he takes the money and you take the lies, this is history, a liar on the alter, sermon never falter, this is history, this is history, and jesus christ, this is history cheaply priced, this is bibles full of lible, this is sin in eternal hymn, this is what they've done, this is your history..."

From: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
To: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37643, reply to #37629
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 1990, 4:40:16 PM

I was thinking more of Mayor Cooper (you *ARE* going to get this) and got a little carried away, but yeah, why not?

   Catholic -> A Lawyer
   Religion -> History
   God      -> Sam Carr's Dog [on occasion shortened
               simply to Dog (e.g., James Brown's
               pithy "Good Dog!") but usually in full:
               "Sam Carr's dog only knows what I'd be
               without you..."]
   [Keep going...]

Meanwhile, anagram of ARIETANO: "I rate a no."

From: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
To: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37650, reply to #37643
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 1990, 6:47:26 PM

Mayor Cooper? I don't know where to start. Hows about, heaven --> blindfold. Donovan's 'Wear Your Love Like Blindfold' "...Sam Carr's Dog kiss me once more, fill me with song, Sam Carr's middle eastern Dog kiss me once more, that I may, wear my love like blindfold..."

Irate all right.

From: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
To: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37656, reply to #37650
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 1990, 8:11:25 PM

MIKE, I think we got to call a halt to this cause I'm scaring my wife. All I can do is walk around the apartment giggling maniacally and it may spill over into the real world manana.

But howzabout The Devil -> Jodie Foster. "You're Jodie Foster in Disguise." "Some writers I know are damn Jodie Fosters." "Sympathy for Jodie Foster."

"If man is 5, if man is 5, if man is 5, then Jodie Foster is 6, then Jodie Foster is 6, then Jodie Foster is 6, then Jodie Foster is 6, and if Jodie Foster is 6, then Sam Carr's Dog is 7, then Sam Carr's Dog is 7, then Sam Carr's Dog is 7: this monkey's gone to blindfold."

Mayor Maxima Cooper

From: MIKE ARIETANO, 76116,626
To: Neslon Smiff, 76702,1026
Topic: the sundays
Msg #37665, reply to #37656
Section: New Music
Forum: ROCKNET
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 1990, 11:40:27 PM

That kinda stuff does compel maniacal giggling, dont it. But we must complete the picture. Catholic --> A lawyer. Religion --> History. God --> Sam Carr's Dog. Heaven --> Blindfold. The Devil --> Jody Foster. Hell --> Bed. Alice Cooper's "Go to Bed" "For gambling and drinking alcohol constantly/For making us doubt our parents authority/For choosing to be a living obscenity/ YOU CAN GO TO BED"

Mayor Maxima Cooper?? [banging head against wall, pulling hair out of said head, suffering fits and siezures, covulsing upon floor].

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                CSATAN(WETETEN)               
                                              
    CSA Inc. Fine Chaos Merchants since 666  
         "Tommorrow's Confusion Today"       
                 Copyright 666                
             All Rights Obfuscated

lots angry men
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This page modified on August 11, 1995

Sunshine & Lollipops - The Original Dec*d*r

Please Please Please

C-S/A 10+ TEXT ENHANCER USER MANUAL CSATAN(TETEN)

CONTENTS

Chemically Imbalanced Back-and-Forth: Prologue

Sunshine & Lollipops - The Original Decdr

C-S/A 10+ TEXT ENHANCER USER MANUAL
CSATAN(TETEN)

Chemically Imbalanced Back-and-Forth:
Prologue